like ice water butterflies

Polar bear nightmare, white fur, white snow, red gums, white teeth. I keep dreaming of the same thing and last night was no exception. Today I realized you were always my one exception, speaking of. And its good to laugh with you. And my god how I love that you smile at me with your eyes and mouth and body. All in. It started with a monarch butterfly and continued to include a calico cat on my doorstep a ride during a hurricane, and a fake punch to the kidney's. I always hold you at arms length and finally let myself realize I don't like how that feels. So I let down my guard and went home to you for a while. You were always home-like. Its been so long since anyone looked at me that way that you do I forgot it existed. I knew it did! It had to! But I just plain forgot. You are the best at that look. The unspoken communication. And making me belly laugh. I forgot how it felt to be thought beautiful and funny at the same time. The exception, to my standard days of not feeling that. You still shake and on my
Drive home the ice water feeling came over my skin and rushed down my insides. I felt totally pleased and totally overwhelmed and good and sad all at once. It was fantastic! I thought my heart died a little once, irreparable damage. Ice water was the exception. I'm so happy you've always been my one exception. I'm so happy you know me and I you. We said we were soul-mates tied together somehow through every lifetime I never doubted that truth. I think we all have homes in another, some place in someone's heart or mind where we are a fixture. Here comes that ice water sensation followed by a smile. I can't help but like how scary and strange it feels, or how it still manages to come over me after all these years. There are things I have been seeing and feeling that have freed me somehow. Some change took place this week and tonight was the giant "things are going better, keep going" sign I needed in my world. Oregon license plate, stormy weather, rain right between the eyes, knicks tee, all makes it possible to not worry anymore about bear nightmares, brown eyes, perfect sharp teeth, claws puncturing my back, running no where, lurking bear nightmare I dare you! Something is changing and everything will be different. I can't wait to see how it all happens...